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Enjoy These Free Online Games from Lutherans Online
(Macromedia Flash® Player and Java are required)
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Additional Free Online Games!
(Macromedia Flash® Player is required)
Holler for Dollars
Test your financial know-how. Choose a question and challenge your brain to facts about saving, budgeting, credit cards, debit cards, annual percentage rates, credit ratings, earning interest and more. Play Holler for Dollars!
Number Crunch
Sharpen your pencils and get out your calculator. Number Crunch is a series of math problems that are sure to challenge you. Try to get the perfect score, but be careful... if you get one wrong, the point value is deducted from your score!
A little congregation decided the church needed a new coat of white paint. So they all pooled their money and went down to the local hardware store and bought all of the cheapest white paint the store had. Well, they had the job half finished and were down to the last two cans of paint. What should they do now? They all discussed it and came to the conclusion that they would thin the paint down to make it stretch. They finished and stood back and looked at their beautiful newly painted white church. Well, it rained during the night and the next day when they came to look at the church they saw that all of the paint had washed off. "WELL, NOW WHAT DO WE DO?" they all said. The pastor looked at them and said, "Repaint! Repaint! And NEVER thin again."
It was show-and-tell in class, and the theme was "My Religion." Three students stood up at the front of the class. The first said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my prayer hat." The second student said, "I'm Catholic, and this is my rosary." The third student said, "I'm Lutheran, and this is my casserole."
Q: How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Our son was restless one Sunday and eager to leave church. He asked me if we could go. I told him, "No, we are still worshiping Jesus. And Pastor's turn to talk isn't over yet." Kurt repiled, "Pastor has a really long turn!"
An airplane crashes on a deserted island all survive. They all become scared that nobody will find them and they will die. One man says, "Do not worry I make $250,000 a week." The other two say, "We are the only ones here, there is no food, and we will all die." The first repeats, "I make $250,000 a week we will be okay." The others spout back, "All your money will not help us survive and we will all die a slow death." The first man says, "I make $250,000 a week and I tithe, my Lutheran Pastor will find us!"
The pastor was new in town, and he was trying to figure out how to increase attendance at his new church. And not just on Sundays. He had considered everything, from advertizing to jazzing up the music. He couldn't understand why the building next to the church usually had several cars in their parking lot, and, outside of Sunday morning, the church's lot was usually pretty vacant. Yet as a pastor he was particularly skilled in counselling. Surely he could draw more people to Word of Life Lutheran Church. The law offices next door had a new sign in front: formal black background, stylish border, and an attractive font, which read: "LAW OFFICE." In a flash, the young pastor made a beeline to the nearest lumber company, and in no time his new sign was designed, constructed, and finished. On the property, not far from the Law Office, Pastor could be seen erecting a new sign (in addition to the formal one on the corner.) The new one read: "GOSPEL OFFICE."
It has been said that the only thing that ever changes in the Lutheran Church is the color of the Jell-O® served at the monthly potluck dinners.
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River." Do you know the definition of the word "Bible"? Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth At the local Lutheran Church the Pastor found out that the Organist for Sunday was ill and he was nervous because this was his Stewardship Sunday and he had special hymns selected. A young girl was filing in at the last minute and he told her he was apprehensive as she did not have much experience, and the church was behind on their bills. "I need music that will inspire people to be very generous he stated". "No problem she said." At the end of the sermon the Pastor asked everyone to stand that would be willing to commit themselves to giving an extra $100.00 a month. Suddenly, the entire congregation stood as the young organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that this card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10". Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked." There is a story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." After church Ole said to the pastor, "Nice sermon there pastor, but I noticed you mentioned St. Paul several times but you never mentioned Minneapolis." Our congregation has become part of the "Reformed Lutheran church"! Mostly decaf coffee is now served at church functions! How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: Change? What's change! What is the difference between an extroverted and introverted Lutheran? Answer: An introverted Lutheran looks at HIS shoes when he talks to you. An extroverted one looks at YOUR shoes. A man asked God if he answered all prayers. God said, "Yes". The man asked God, "Is it true that one second in heaven is equal to a million years on earth?" God said, "Yes". then the man asked God for $1 million dollars. God said, "Ok, just give me a minute"! Have a good, clean Lutheran joke to share? We'd love to hear it, so send it on in! |
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either sided of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. The little boy asked, "Pastor what is this?" The Pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"|
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You Know You're Lutheran When... | ||
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You've voted! Your 10 favorite "You Know You're Lutheran When…" jokes have been determined. You know you're Lutheran when... View the complete list of jokes. (Excel, 90K)
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Thrivent Financial for Lutherans, Appleton, WI 54919-0001, is authorized to conduct business in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. NAIC # 2938-56014. Products issued by Thrivent Financial for Lutherans are available to applicants who meet membership, insurability, U.S. citizenship and residency requirements. Not all products described are available in all states. Thrivent Financial representatives are licensed insurance agents. Insurance and retirement products, where available, are individual contracts, (not group coverage), and issued by Thrivent Financial for Lutherans. Investment products are offered through Thrivent Investment Management Inc., 625 Fourth Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN 55415-1665, a wholly owned subsidiary of Thrivent Financial for Lutherans. Member FINRA. Member SIPC. Thrivent Financial representatives are registered representatives of Thrivent Investment Management Inc.
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