What are some tell-tale signs that your family member is ready for more help than you can give? Here are some things for which you can look to determine whether he/she can keep living alone.

o Memory loss to the point of interference with normal activities of daily living (e.g., not bathing or grooming)

o Inappropriate dress (e.g., wearing an overcoat in the summer, answering the door in underwear)

o Inability to balance the checkbook

o Repeated auto accidents

o Safety issues (e.g., leaving the stove on, taking medication sporadically or too often)

o Eating problems (too much or too little or all snack food)

o Notable decrease in housekeeping

Although this subject is never easy to discuss, it is critical to your loved one's well-being (and possibly the well-being of others). If you recognize these signs over time in your family member's behavior, sit down with him or her and start a conversation with something like "I've noticed some things lately which are concerning to me." Explain what those concerns are and offer to go to the doctor (or parish nurse) with him or her to discuss them together. You will possibly be met with resistance from the individual. It may be helpful, if you have another person join this confrontation with you and the family member. Don't wait for a crisis to begin this dialogue! You may also want to check out the AARP web site for more information. Go to www.aarp.org and click on AARP The Magazine, then click on Family Caregiving.

For further questions, please call your parish nurses, Nicki or Kristen, at (314) 837-1090.